Changing your life – where to start?

If you feel like your life has no sense, no purpose…
If you feel like your job is taking you nowhere…
If you feel insecure, afraid of all the changes that are happening around you…
If you worry about your finances, your retirement, the future of your kids…
If you feel overwhelmed by daily duties…
Then I know exactly how you feel.

I was in the same position before September 2012.
I was laid off in June 2010, and I was the sole breadwinner of my family at that time. We had little savings, enough to keep our lifestyle for the next 3 to 4 months.
That was not exactly the best experience in my life.

Two years after I was laid off we still had savings for only 2-3 months of our comfortable life. It seemed like nothing was going in a better direction.
It wasn’t only my finance I was worried about. I was worried about pretty much everything in my life, for example, my spiritual life, too.
I’m a catholic, and I’ve been a church community member for over 16 years. I felt like nothing changed in my relationship with God for all of these years, the same lack of faith, trust and love. The same sins.
And I felt so helpless.

My life was going nowhere.
Now it’s going somewhere and I feel different.

This is because helplessness is just a feeling in your soul, in your mind. It’s not the reality which scares you, which brings you down. Mostly, it is your thoughts that make you feel that way.

For example, my biggest obstacle is the lack of faith that I can achieve financial success. I’m quite confident about my health, my weight, my family life, but to believe I can earn even $500 from an online activity – it blows my mind. I have a myriad of excuses – no time, no knowledge, no resources and no skills. But there were people who started in exactly the same situation and succeeded, like Jim Rohn (it wasn’t an online business in his case, but there are modern success stories, too).
Think about it. Are there people in the world who are in a tough situation, similar to yours, and still thriving?
The only honest answer is: yes, there are.
So, how can they thrive when you don’t?
They have very similar resources, difficulties, jobs, and they for sure have the same 24 hours in a day as you have.
But they thrive, because they think differently.
The first and foremost place to start changing your life is inside your head.
Nothing will really change in your life if you don’t change. So:

Step 0: Contemplate your life.

Start to think about your purpose. Why are you here? Where are you going? What do you really believe about the origins and the purpose of the world, and about your role in it? I strongly recommend you read the first 2 chapters of the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and write your personal mission statement. If you are money wise you can read my book and learn how to compose one. If you don’t trust me or you have a lot of time for the research, you can figure it out on your own. Browse the Web and you will find a lot of advice about it.

If you are more action-oriented it may seem to be a waste of time. But I assure you that taking action without contemplation is a waste of time. Why? Because only a sustained action brings results. Without a purpose, sooner or later you will give up, even if you are one of the most stubborn people on this planet (like me).

An example: I have been doing push ups every day for the first half of my life. I had started and had given it up several times before I found a reason good enough to never quit. It took me about a decade to figure it out. My stubbornness was enough to keep me going for a year or two, but it’s the internal purpose which has kept me going for the last 6 years.
Your mindset is your foundation.

Step 1: Find your direction.

In the past, I let life flow in its own direction. I avoided self-analysis as much as I could. I prefered to numb my mind by playing a computer game or watching TV than think about my motives and purpose.
The handy tools for self-analysis are the lead magnets on Anthony Robbins’ page. For the price of your e-mail address you can get to know your values and behaviors. I was amazed at how accurate some of those conclusions were.
Caution: I don’t know how long it will remain on the website for free. Block 30 minutes for doing the self-survey.

Victor Frankl said “detect your purpose.” Every human being on this planet has their own destiny hidden in their soul. You are not so unique to be the only human without it; your life has meaning. We are not animals or biological machines which are reproducing without reason just to survive.
The task in Step 0 was to make you aware of your purpose. Now, when you know it or at least feel it, try to identify your purpose and do it in a more precise fashion with concrete actions. Not “I will save the world,” but “I’ll save the world from the AIDS disease through education and prevention among youth.”

It’s important to be decisive about this. Don’t take the next year or two to define your life’s sense. You can always narrow your way later, for now you just have to recognize your direction.

However, not everyone is destined to save the world. It must be YOUR purpose, not something imposed by social pressure. Maybe your purpose is to save a single species from extinction, or maybe it’s taking care of a couple of handicapped children.

Step 2: Figure out a daily discipline.

Or better yet – a few disciplines. Think of something which you can do on a daily basis, which will help you to approach to your direction.

I’ll give you just one example. As you can see my “Altruist” trait is very high. My whole being craves helping others, but I was a shy person. How could I help people when I was afraid to even look at them? So I came up with the idea to talk to one stranger a day.
That was hard, I tell you! My discipline was too ambitious. I just wasn’t capable of talking to a stranger every day. I couldn’t; my legs were trembling and I had butterflies in my stomach. But I didn’t give up, and I corrected my strategy. I decided to smile at strangers, to get eye contact and smile lightly. That I could do. Well, most of the days anyway ;).

Everything matters. One discipline leads to another. Daily training makes you stronger in every possible way; it’s not only the body that you can train. I’ve begun to change. After a few weeks I was able to talk to strangers from time to time. After a few months I was open enough to put some commitment into online relationships, and now I have friends all over the world. During the last 11 months I talked to dozens of strangers (and no one has eaten me 😉 ). Amazing things happen when you start to take even the tiniest action, so the next step is…

Step 3: Implement your daily discipline immediately.

Once you know what to do, go and do it! Nike has it right – just do it! Don’t hesitate, don’t doubt. Go and act right now!
Action alone, action without purpose, without previous reflection can be pointless or even harmful. But it’s always action which brings the results. That’s why action takers are rewarded in life, even if they don’t stop to think too much. They get the results.

No amount of thinking can substitute for an ounce of action. It’s great to know your life’s meaning, but the knowledge alone is useless. So implement your discipline at once. The moment you figure out what can bring you closer to your purpose, take action.

Summary

Well, that’s my formula to begin the grandiloquent task of changing one’s life. It’s applicable for beginners. There is a pretty slim chance you will fulfill your destiny within the next week, month or year. The human life span is projected in decades, not in days. So be prepared to improve your plan. Analyze what works and what doesn’t. Tune your disciplines. Narrow your life’s path. Expand beyond yourself every day.